License to Watch

We don't have a TV.

We used to get shocked laughs in the States, you know, the kind where people allow a shrill chuckling bubble out before stopping it upon the realization that you might not be kidding... followed reliably by either "Wow, how do you do it?" or "Good for you. Americans watch too much TV anyway." But we never really missed it. Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek were all on DVD, so we watched when we felt like it or when it was well over the tolerable hiking ability-heat ratio (it was well over 100 degrees for a good chunk of the Yellowstone summer 2007). When there are rivers and mountains in your backyard, it's hard to justify wasting money on cable. It's even harder when you consider that half the people you know in Gardiner-the world's most over-educated city-have actually BEEN in documentaries. So well... we never got one.

We thought the reactions in the States were bad. Here, upon informing a Brit that you don't have a TV nor do you intend on getting one, the immediate response is to adopt the traditional anti-zombie attack pose-you know the one, Mile Jovovich does it all the time. Wide, wary eyes, slightly bent knees, twitchy trigger fingers, backing away slowly and ready to leap to safety at any moment. Yeah, that one. Obviously, you cannot be human without a TV. They skip feeling sorry for you and slide right into Cylon Alert, level orange. Which brings me to TV licenses. It's more evidence that people take TV watching seriously. A TV license is how the British government keeps all channels running along the PBS model of television viewing: keeping real commercials down to a minimum so as to make room for infomercials about how drinking and driving kills babies and why you should not cheat on your TV license. To get the real, nitty-gritty and often down right inane (one involving Prom, Dr. Pepper and Dad trying to beat boyfriend at an impromptu wrestling match in the living room with the motto "What's the worst that could happen?" comes to mind...) British commercials, you have to go to the movie theater. Never having a TV here to being with, we were pretty shocked to get the letter informing us that they were going to fine us 10,000 pounds because we hadn't bought a TV license. We call them up, and they, too, seem downright horrified that we don't have a TV. They sound incredulous, and keep giving us the option to let go of our obviously criminal denial and get a license. Not having a TV is the epitome of un-British, as far as I can tell. You can even hate football and rugby, as long as you watch silly British shows.

You know what the oddest thing is? We actually WATCH more TV now than we ever have, thanks to the beauty of online video streaming-legal, of course! Most main US channels are putting their shows online, so we can get Family Guy, Battlestar Galactica, South Park... Lost, well, we're having some issues with, but I'm sure it will be forthcoming! So, here's to free online TV and VPNs!